Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
