How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have feelings that need drinking.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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