We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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