4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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