tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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