someone threw a dead crab at me
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
