best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
