I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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