You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
