I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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