Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
