just survived the first fart of the relationship.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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