1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
