I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
