I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
