the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
