Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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