It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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