I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
