I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
