he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
