you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize