Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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