wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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