We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
