I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm both gender and math confused
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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