I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
