the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
