Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
