I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
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