I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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