At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
