He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
