you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
