Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
