I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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