my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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