WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
