I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize