For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
