where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
