don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize