don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
