I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
