just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
the liver wants what the liver wants
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
