I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
