Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
