Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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