Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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