by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
