Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
