I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
