Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
