And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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