sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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