i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
