so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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