I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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