Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
