No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize