Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
