Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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