sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
