what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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