her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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