Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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