OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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