Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
