Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
