I'm so fucking centered right now
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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